Even the strongest relationships can buckle under the sheer pressure of debt. Whether in a financial mess or facing insolvency the experience is lonely and frustrating. It is paramount that you take control of the situation – yes, you are mentally exhausted but you must face this crisis head on as a team – start talking to each other.
Diary extract – bankrupt 130 of 2006
’"So, I expose myself to you. Bankruptcy, heartache, disappointment, disapproval, emptiness, loneliness, sexual frustration, loss of individuality, lack of confidence, no control at all, failure, depression, weight gain, exhaustion, lethargy, and yes, thoughts of suicide. "
5 August 2006, Diary - MARRIAGE MELTDOWN
Now I know it has been quite some time since we last spoke, and no one is more surprised than I about the next topic and is it suitable for print? But this emotional roller coaster needs to be documented for the sanity of all womankind. Forget reading the classic Men Are from Mars and Women Are from Venus. Read on.
So, here is where we left off. My husband and I declare ourselves bankrupt after seven long, hard years of fighting for survival. We expose ourselves to the world (or perhaps just to the local press, but it feels like the whole universe). We both fall into a pattern of slogging eighteen hours a day and flopping into bed. Only then, in our slumber-like state, do we realise that we have probably not fed the children adequately and, on some occasions, perhaps not at all, and realise in our subconscious exhaustion that we are failing. Marriage meltdown kicks in.
Be warned: you may become very fat, too tired to communicate basic functions, and start to long for retirement in the desperate hope that this will bring reprieve from the never-ending nightmare of ‘career, materialism, happiness.’ Worse-case scenario: you’re unable to get your knickers on until 3 p.m. and you forget to clean your teeth until you pick up the children from school. Gross!, I hear you scream. Yes, but it happens. For the individual already suffering from bad bodily hygiene, I dread to think of the result. Going commando and having bad breath was as far as I dared venture.
So, how did I find myself in this rut? Well, apparently I was just a bankrupt. WRONG. The need for a man to talk to a woman is minimal, in fact non-existent. So, for a man, bankruptcy is the perfect excuse not to communicate at all, if possible. Apparently, according to American neuropsychiatrist Dr Louann Brizendine as reported in the Daily Mail, a man uses a mere seven thousand words a day up against a woman’s staggering twenty thousand (he wants to count himself lucky it is not more, and yes, he will listen while she finishes her daily quota).
Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, chapter 6, page 98 – A man is described as ‘instinctively feeling the urge to pull away’ (from the woman, that is). His male intimacy cycle is likened to that of a ‘rubber band’ – it involves his pulling away, and, when he has stretched as far as he can, springing back – apparently a perfect metaphor for ‘getting close, pulling away, and then getting close again.’ Well, this may have been well-documented by author John Gray, but I have now done my own personal research, and there ain’t no bouncing back in bankruptcy. The man just keeps on pulling and pulling until finally the band snaps in two. I am not sure whether the man I married is ever coming back (in his mind, that is – he hasn’t actually left me yet.)
This lack of male moral support (which, thinking on it, may have been the combination of a bare bum and smelly gnashers) is in fact quite devastating. Notorious for her formidable role in family life, the woman starts to become impatient. ‘Where is the captain to sail my ship?’ she asks. Oh, land ahoy! Look, there he is, on the beach with his head up his backside looking for a solution to all our troubles. Desperate to communicate, she eats her own arm to draw attention to the fact that there are big waves coming their way.
As for a sex life, FORGET IT. Too exhausted for passion, an unspoken agreement is accepted – the love bank is also insolvent. You both would love to participate but the desires remain locked away inside your head with the odd knowing stroke on the arm as you lie side-by-side in a zombie-like state.
So, I expose myself to you. Bankruptcy, heartache, disappointment, disapproval, emptiness, loneliness, sexual frustration, loss of individuality, lack of confidence, no control at all, failure, depression, weight gain, exhaustion, lethargy, and yes, thoughts of suicide.
